Jahaziel C. J.

United States

If you look at the picture of my sweaty palm, you might assume that something nerve-wracking had just occurred to me. Was I going to have a job interview? Was I going to speak in front of a large crowd? Was I about to take my final examinations for college? No. I was simply watching my favorite TV show. I was performing the most mundane task of my everyday life and yet, my palms were soaking wet. Perhaps the single most egregious assumption about hyperhidrosis is that we are not strong-willed enough to control it. “Don’t be so nervous,” they say not knowing that the more I think about my hands, the sweatier that they get. My whole life I’ve been made fun of and ridiculed for this condition. I never knew what caused it and for years, I’d blame myself. Maybe if I were stronger, maybe if I wasn’t so soft, maybe if I were more collected then maybe, just maybe, I could control it. But the truth is that we can’t. I wish I knew that when I was younger and I had to hide my hands in my pockets and wear dark clothing just in case I had to swipe the sweat off on it. Or when I when for a fist bump every time my friends wanted a high-five and I had to play it off as if I thought they wanted a fist bump. Or when I went to my first job interview and the interviewee groaned when we shook hands. Safe to say, I didn’t get that job. I developed social anxiety as a consequence of this condition. I even chose to not pursue romantic relationships knowing how uncomfortable I would make my partner feel. My whole life I remember saying, “if I could change one thing about myself, it would be my sweaty hands.” So, I looked online. And online, I found a community of people with similar stories and experiences as my own. For the first time in my entire life, I felt understood. I felt accepted. My whole life I thought I was alone but I never was. Thank you for helping me love myself just a little more.